To everyone who ever gave up on me:
Everyone who told me I was no good,
And everyone who said, “Once an addict, always an addict.”
To everyone who said I didn’t want it bad enough,
Everyone who called me names,
Told me I was a liar,
That I would never get clean,
Or that I was incapable of being loved or worthy.
To everyone who looked at my handcuffs or the track marks on my arms and said I was a degenerate,
Who looked at me with disgust,
And with anger.
To the people to whom I looked for acceptance and encouragement,
But only found rejection.
Thank you for making sure that I felt low,
because I needed to be humbled before my God.
Thank you for abandoning me,
because I needed the silence of solitude to hear His voice.
Even though those words made me feel empty,
My Savior had the space in my heart to fill it up with what He thinks of me.
Even though there were moments I felt so weak that each breath was a struggle,
His strength was made perfect in that weakness.
My error was not in that I sinned, because my sin was inevitable.
My error was that I looked for redemption in the eyes of someone just as broken as me.
And I can’t blame you for the actions you took, or the words you spoke, because you were right.
Even I sometimes look on the person who I used to be.
I see them in the homeless man on the corner.
I see them in the addict on the sidewalk.
Or in the person barely hiding what a mess their life is.
And I judge.
It is my first reaction.
Why don’t they just be good?
Stop lying and cheating?
Then I remember…
I could never be good…
I could never get sober…
I could never stop lying…
I could never stop cheating…
I could NEVER…
I will never live up to the expectations of others, and probably never even live up to my own.
So when I fall…
And I WILL…
My Savior is not shocked, even if others are.
So when I fall, I will fall into Him.
And when I get up, I will stand in His love.
His grace is sufficient for me.
And His grace is sufficient for you.
To be human is to err.
But it is the righteousness of God to forgive.
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